


The Descent

by Narrissic



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Reincarnation, Blow Jobs, First Time, Flashbacks, M/M, Nurse Eren Yeager, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Soldier Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-02
Updated: 2020-11-01
Packaged: 2021-03-09 01:01:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,197
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27342442
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Narrissic/pseuds/Narrissic
Summary: Reincarnation/Modern AULevi remembers it all. Eren doesn't.They meet on a whim, and fall.Will there discrepancies tear them apart or bring them together?
Relationships: Levi/Eren Yeager
Comments: 4
Kudos: 50





	1. The New National Anthem

**Author's Note:**

> title by pierce the veil

Levi stepped off the bus into the bustling crowd.

It looked like a big turnout this time- soldiers coming back from leave usually did that to people.

Couples embracing, kissing babies, and some like Levi who had no one to come home to.

"So when are you getting a girlfriend?" Hange teased as they walked together through the crowd.

"Tsk," Levi scoffed. "When are _you_?"

"Eh, had a one-off thing in basic training, but you know the girls are all swooning over _you_ , Levi."

Hange giggled at their own joke, provoking a half-smile from Levi.

It was luck that Hange gets Levi to smile at all, but their meeting was perhaps the luckiest moment of Levi's life.

It was at a random military installation in Fort Carson in Colorado; Levi thought he caught the glimpse of someone so familiar he could've sworn he knew them.

Levi's strange introduction rubbed off on Hange, and they'd been friends ever since, not that Hange understood.

No one did.

Levi cast that despairing thought away, and tried to focus on holding Hange's hand to get through all the people. Occasionally he casted side glances to faces, a habit of his.

He was always looking for people he may know, or knew before.

The thing was, Levi thought he lived a past life. In fact, he was sure he did. It was a more niche part of his life, but he'd visited psychics, mediums, all sorts of shit like that, though not on his own volition.

Hange had encouraged it after hearing his story.

"I've had these vivid dreams since I was a kid," Levi had started to explain one day while on leave. "dreams of a life I've never lived."

Hange would chock it up to dreams being just that: dreams, until Levi had explained further.

He got flashbacks, sometimes things triggered it, and sometimes they just happened.

"What's that?" Hange had asked Levi one day- it had been a journal he frequented. It was in a language Hange had never seen before.

He had even been adept with a knife even before the military.

"What're you writing _now_?"

Hange leaned over Levi's shoulder to read.

"Today's events," was all that Levi said.

He wrote the characters with ease; despite not having learned it he wrote it with ease. Growing up learning English had been the real challenge.

Levi always wrote in his journal; it was mostly to record dreams but he had a terrible time separating them from real life these days..

"Are you going home?"

"Don't have anything better to do," Levi replied, and he didn't. He had nothing and no one to come home to.

"Then let's go out to eat! It'll be fun."

Levi shrugged; he didn't see why not.

Levi and Hange sat down together. In the meanwhile, Levi allowed Hange to look through his journal; she had been trying to learn Levi's weird language for a while now, so practice helped.

"You talk about flying here," Hange observed, pointing at a line in the journal. "Did you used to fly?"

Levi glanced. "I said it _feels_ like flying, Shitty Glasses."

" _Hey_ , why'd you call me that?"

Levi paused amidst drinking his tea.

"I don't know.. fits you though," he muttered, and continued drinking.

"You drink weird," Hange commented, and got back to reading.

Levi continued to observe the crowd quietly as they waited on their waitress.

There were parents walking with their children, the lone businessman occasionally, teenagers and the like.

He craned his neck.

All Levi could see was mousey brown hair, but he felt it somehow, that he was supposed to know this person. It was a chance he was willing to take.

It looked like Eren.

"Eren," Levi said, and trained his gaze on him as he leaped the fence and went up to him. He wasn't even thinking as he grabbed his shoulder and turned him around.

Eren turned and there was green eyes and Levi just about leaned in and kissed him when he remembered he was ogling a total stranger. He stumbled back.

"Um, are you okay..?"

"Levi!" Hange came tumbling over and put her hand on Levi's shoulder. "Ah! I'm sorry about my friend, here. He's a little.." Hange made the 'crazy' motion beside her head.

"I'm not crazy," Levi retorted, and composed himself a bit. "I'm sorry. I.. just thought I recognized you."

"It's okay," Eren said kindly. "I don't get that much though. You look kind of familiar too."

Levi's eyes widened.

"Anyway," Eren said, "um, can I have your number? Just in case you really do know me and we can catch up," he joked.

Levi nodded rapidly, and with trembling fingers, wrote down his number on Eren's arm. He tried not to focus on how warm his skin was.

"See ya around, Levi, and, Hange, right?"

"Yessir!" Hange mock-saluted.

Later, Hange had decided that they should do a sleepover.

Levi showered in their bathroom, and changed into fresh clothes he'd brought from his apartment. He barely went a day or two without showering or cleaning, something that's followed him throughout his life.

Levi exited the bathroom and found Hange reading in their bed.

"So Levi, who's Eren to you?" They asked. "You knew him."

"He was my partner," Levi said thoughtfully. "He was Humanity's greatest hope. He was.. important."

"Ooo, partner you say? You gotta date with this boy?"

"Yeah, I'm seeing him Saturday."

Hange clapped their hands giddily. "Ahh! Levi! That's great!"

"Yeah.."

Now to just not fuck this up.


	2. Such Small Hands

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi and Eren meet to hang out, and disaster erupts. Meanwhile, Hange has a theory.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> title by la dispute

Levi woke up that day with his head swimming.

Faint, yet vivid images of blood and death swarmed his head.

He laid in bed and trembled for some time before sighing shakily, and snatching his notebook off the nightstand. He wrote furiously.

- _sunset_  
 _-horses_  
 _-titans, eren titan. animal titan_  
 _-blades, blood on my face_  
 _-_ _choice_  
 _-regrettable choice_

Levi sat up and ran his hand through his undercut.

Nightmares, no surprise. This was just a new one.

Finding sweat damp on his forehead, and his.. everywhere, Levi trudged to the bathroom and started the shower.

Standing under the stream of water, Levi stood there and recounted the events from his dream, or nightmare, rather.

There was no steady stream of events, it didn't make sense except the glimpses he could make out.

He recalled the wall of titans, and was it.. Erwin? No, that probably wasn't it.

Upon exiting the shower, he checked his phone and opened a text from Eren:

_hey!! are u still up for today?_

He typed back.

_Yes. Just woke up. I'll see you soon._

Levi got dressed and exited his lonely apartment and into the bustling city below. Eren was a walk-and-a-half away, not that he minded. Levi enjoyed watching people go about their lives.

Levi's hands trembled minutely as he made his way up the stairs to Eren's apartment, and he knocked.

It wasn't too long before Eren opened up the door.

"Hey! Levi, come on in."

Eren was on the phone.

"Sorry, it's my sister." Eren sheepishly pointed to the phone. "You just gonna stand there?"

Levi entered, and looked around. Eren's apartment was nice, and even up to his cleaning standards. He made himself at home in the kitchen, leaning against the counter while Eren continued to talk on the phone.

They had done some extensive texting into the early hours of the morning most nights, so it wasn't like Levi was standing in a stranger's kitchen.

Eren took the phone off his ear. "Levi, do you?"

He hadn't been listening.

"Do I what."

"Believe in me."

I don't believe in you, no," he said, simply to see his reaction.

"C'mon," Eren's whined, "believe in me."

_"Believe in us!"_

_Green_ _eyes, pigtails._

_Blond hair._

_Names?_

_A blur._

_"Bro sure is stubborn, huh?"_

"Fuck."

Levi made that out between the flashback and the real world, but he couldn't remember who said it: himself or Eren.

Fuck, Eren.

"Levi, are you okay?"

The scenes still played before his eyes as Levi blinked them away. He wasn't sure where he was anymore.

Eren shook his shoulders then, and it felt like Levi's brain shook inside his skull.

" _Levi._ "

Levi covered his face and rubbed it; it felt like his skin was vibrating.

When he opened his eyes, Levi noted that Eren's phone was placed facedown on the counter and he was right in front of him.

"C'mon, let's sit down. It looks like you're in shock, though I don't know-"

Eren continued speaking medically to him as he led him to and sat him down on the couch.

It took Levi a minute to collect himself, but once he did, he apologized and got up to leave.

"Hey, where are you going? I can get you some water-"

"I'm fine," Levi mumbled, still trudging along, but Eren grabbed his arm anyway.

"Hey," he said. "You don't have to go."

Levi paused. "Is that a lie."

"No!" Eren exclaimed. "C'mon, we can watch a movie or something. I'll call Mikasa back later."

Levi reluctantly let himself be led back to couch by the hand, to which Eren promptly put on a movie.

It wasn't one Levi had ever seen before, then again he never really watched TV or movies.

It was okay.

Levi headed to Hange's later that night, still horribly embarrassed. Eren probably thought he was insane and it was his own damn fault.

It seemed like Eren liked him well enough, but he wasn't sure if it was out of pity or what.

Levi used the spare key Hange had given him to enter, and entered their apartment, screwing his nose up at the smell. They always kept this place a mess.

"It's me, Hange."

Hange came out behind a corner with a baseball bat on her shoulder.

"Oh! Hiya Levi. Everything go well today?"

Levi shrugged.

"What does _that_ mean?" Hange inquired.

"It went fine," Levi answered. "He doesn't think I'm creepy anymore."

"Hm.." Hange made a thinking gesture with their hand. "Okay! Well, make yourself comfortable."

Levi nodded and went to make himself some tea.

Some time later, Hange called from the other room.

"Levi, I'd like to test something."

"I'm not having sex with you, Hange," Levi called from the kitchen.

"Not _that,_ " Hange whined, and entered the room. "I was wondering something about your weirdness."

"My 'weirdness'," Levi quoted. "Okay?"

"So it's evident that you get these flashbacks and feelings often, the question is: what of mine?"

"You don't have any," Levi said plainly. "We established that."

"I have a theory. What _if_ I do have them, they're just repressed? I hypothesize that someone like _you,_ Levi, can bring that out."

Levi nodded. "Alright Four-Eyes, and how would that work?"

"I don't know!" Hange raised their hands. "I figure we won't know until we try!"

"..Okay. What's the plan."

And somehow Levi found himself sitting on his knees in front of Hange on the bed, foreheads connected. He sweat slightly at the intimate nature of it all.

Meanwhile, Hange giggled.

"Ooo~ This is so exciting," they murmured, and regained their stoic composure a few moments later. "Okay. Focus."

Nobody needed to tell Levi twice, and he shut his eyes.

They sat like that for some time until Hange flinched back, and cradled their head.

Levi had never seen Hange genuinely hurt by anything, and it elicited a tang of fear in his gut. Meanwhile, his head was spinning, but nothing he hadn't dealt with before.

"Hange."

Even his own voice sounded faraway to himself.

And it all rang before his eyes.

_"Damn, what a bunch of racket."_

_"I wonder if you'd still get this much praise if they realized how much of a neat freak you are."_

It wassohazy.

_"If only I was lucky enough to run into an abnormal!"_

_"There's already one nearby."_

_"Huh, where!?"_

_Levi turned her head to look at him._

_"Right here."_

The throbbing in Levi's head was astounding; he covered his face. It felt like all his blood was rushing there.

_"Hange. Hey, Four-Eyes."_

_"Are your hobbies so boring that playing with rocks is somehow fun for you?"_

_"Yeah, that's right."_

He fell back.

_"Ughh, this is tantalizing. Hey, Levi."_

_"No."_

_"I haven't even said anything yet!"_

_""Help me capture a titan", right? I don't intend to help you with such a hassle."_

Levi suddenly felt like not himself; staring up at the ceiling, he wasn't sure where he was anymore.

_"If you want to end up as titan shit I won't stop you, but don't you dare endanger the lives of my men!"_

_"Titans don't defecate." Hange looked up at him, smiling sheepishly. "They don't have a digestive system."_

Levi blinked slowly. He thought he was wearing his cravat and cape but when he glanced down at himself all he saw was a plain shirt and jeans.

He thought he had somewhere to be.

He thought that what he was living in was a dream.

He thought-

Someone was shaking him.

Levi's instincts kicked in; he hooked his feet under the legs of whoever was on top of him and pinned them to the bed.

Through the gaze Levi made out Hange, but why did they look like that? Where were they?

"Levi- Levi, calm down!"

"Hange!" Levi didn't recognize his own voice. "What-" he looked around, "what the hell-"

Hange explained where and who he was and asked Levi to count slowly down from ten, which he dutifully ignored and got off them, only to back up to the headboard on the bed.

It felt like Levi's mind was clear but his body was in pure panic mode, he couldn't breathe.

Everything flashed before his eyes, and he saw red. All he saw was red, and he was shaking, not quite crying but his eyes were watering. It felt like everything was moving in slow motion.

Before he knew it, a cup of tea was in front of him, along with a blanket.

When Levi just stared, Hange set the blanket over him, themself shaking, and held the tea to Levi's lips, which he sipped.

The warmth fell into his stomach, grounding him, and he felt better.

Next came a wave of apologies from Hange, who "didn't expect this" and was "so, so sorry".

Levi said nothing, not out of anger but purely out of having nothing to say. He didn't know what _to_ say.   
There was a pit in his stomach that this new wave of memories had opened, and suddenly he felt a new weight of everything he had been through.

"Are you okay?" Hange finally muttered, to which Levi nodded behind his tea cup.

"What did you see," was all he said.

"It was blurry," Hange complained. "But I saw you. We really _were_ soldiers, and you really did know me. Not that I didn't believe you, it's just.."

Hange glanced down. "Look. I didn't know you had to bear the weight of all that. Are you really okay?"

Levi shrugged. "Better than before. Wait-" Levi reached for his jacket, which held his notebook and pen, and flipped to a new page. He had to write all of this down.

And he did, dutifully, while Hange, still complaining of their headache, expounded on her own experience in a notebook at her desk she had for minor science experiments she sometimes partook in.

Once he felt satisfied, he noticed he was dead tired, which wasn't often. He told Hange he was going to sleep, and did, in their chair next to the desk. He was out in minutes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank u for reading


	3. I've Been Waiting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A month later, and things are going great. Can Levi manage to keep it that way?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> title by lil peep

Levi and Eren walked down the street with their hands interlocked.

"Can't believe it's been a month already."

Levi hummed.

A month indeed, since they met. They wouldn't exactly label anything yet, and Levi wouldn't push it. He didn't wanna ruin things.

They saw each other each weekend when Eren wasn't traveling; Levi would be on leave for the next ten months, so it worked out.

"Have you ever heard of this club?"

"I've never _been_ to a club," Levi retorted.

"You haven't done _anything._ It's time you had some fun."

Levi scoffed. "This _is_ fun. I'm a simple person, Jaeger."

"Don't call me that," Eren whined. "I'm not like, a solider."

Levi shrugged. He wasn't sure how to respond to that honestly, and glanced up at the stars. It was around 10PM last time he checked, so the club would be packed.

Had he and Eren stargazed before? He couldn't remember if that was before, or if it happened in a dream or if-

Eren stopped walking.

"Hey, we're here."

Eren linked their arms.

"You ready?"

Levi mustered up a smile at him. Eren laughed.

"I'll take that as a yes."

Even before they entered, Levi's senses were assaulted with the smell of booze and cheap liquor, and the pounding of the bass from the music playing.

They showed their IDs and paid, and found a booth where they sat together and ordered drinks.

Levi inquired about the weird look on Eren's face as their drinks arrived.

"I'm trying to think of questions to ask you. We know each other pretty well but I really wanna know you more."

Levi blinked.

"Umm.. what made you wanna join the military?"

Loaded question.

"Didn't think I'd be good at anything else," he dodged the question, easily enough. "I was always good at combat, obeying orders, that kind of thing. I met Hange through the military, actually."

"Really?" Eren's eyes gleamed. "She's so cool. And so are you, don't worry."

Levi didn't. He sipped his drink. "What made you wanna be a traveling nurse?"

"I like helping people, though that's not why I chose it. I love traveling, seeing new places? I wanted to make a job out of it somehow."

Traveling, seeing new places. The words replayed in Levi's head. Of course he wanted to travel.

"What was your childhood like?"

Levi rolled his eyes. "Normal."

"But what was it _like_?" Eren asked. "Any daddy or mommy issues I should know about?"

That almost made Levi laugh. All of the sudden he felt like he was at his therapist's again.

"My dad wasn't around much. Mainly got raised by my mom and my uncle."

Levi blinked something away; he wasn't sure what it was, but it lessened his mood.

"We don't have to talk about it," Eren affirmed. Did he sense that he was uncomfortable? "My childhood was pretty shitty. It was me and Mikasa for a long time."

Levi was aware of Mikasa, he'd even met her once or twice because they lived in the same part of the city. Levi had a feeling that he knew her once too, but she didn't seem interested in knowing him all that much so he didn't press.

"Fuck I love this song."

A new song had just started playing.

"C'mon! Let's dance!"

"Eren-" Levi started, about to say he doesn't dance, but Eren was already pulling him up.

_Fuck me up and make me just go crazy_   
_Addicted to the pain that you just made me love_   
_I'm fiendin' for your touchin' on the daily_   
_You're the only one that I want_

Eren took both of Levi's hands and jumped up and down when the chorus dropped.

_Why you actin' vain for my love, vain for my love_   
_When you got everything that I want?_   
_Why you actin' vain for my blood, vain for my blood_   
_When you got everything that I want?_   
_Why you actin'?_

"Fuck me up and make me just go crazy-" Eren sang, and Levi was shoved up against Eren in the sea of people, not that he was complaining.

_Call me when you're in the city again_   
_My head just went oblivion_   
_It's hard to miss you_   
_When you are always on the tip of my tongue_   
_(Always on the tip of my tongue)_

Eren and Levi rubbed up against each other as they danced (or for Levi, more like head-bobbing), and Eren wrapped his arms around him.

"Levi! I love this!"

"I- sure!" Levi shouted over the music, suddenly taken aback by how beautiful Eren was, and Eren was laughing, just laughing, and he was taken over.

He cupped both of Eren's cheeks and kissed him.

_It's hard to miss you_   
_When you are always on the tip of my tongue_   
_I feel like I'm looking for somethin'_   
_Somethin' that'll never come_

Eren stopped dancing and they kissed, hard and deep and ferocious, like they couldn't get enough, until the song ended.

When they pulled away they were still close.

"Hey, do you wanna go back to my place?"

Levi felt something in him stir, and that being an offer he couldn't refuse, he said, breathless, "sure."

Eren held Levi's hand the whole way to the taxi, and the whole ride there. They lively talked, or more like Eren talked a hundred miles per hour at Levi and he got a response every now and then.

Eren was clearly tipsy, or drunk. They'd talked a long time. Nonetheless, that didn't make Levi want this any less, he thought, as they reached the inside of Eren's apartment.

Levi sensed it before it happened; Eren pinned him against the door and started kissing him.

Levi felt like putty in his hands, as if he was about to melt and be a puddle on the floor from the way Eren kissed down his neck and started pulling at his shirt.

Even if this is a one-off thing, he thought, it'll be worth it for tonight.

With Levi's shirt off, with Eren clearly making time to admire his body, he dropped to his knees in front of him.

"Fuck, I think I love you," he muttered, and before Levi could be given the time to respond to that at all, he took him in his mouth and sucked him down.

Levi grunted something- his mind blanked as soon as he said it- and all he felt was pleasure.

Eren sucked, ghosted him with his tongue, and closed his lips around the base of Levi's cock with ease.

He's definitely done this before, that, or he doesn't have a gag reflex, Levi thought, and trembled against the wall, pulling at Eren's brown locks.

"I'm gonna come, Eren," Levi panted, and his hips pivoted forward without his control. Eren might've thought about stopping, but didn't, and sucked him harder, inviting him.

Levi threw his head back against the wall, gasped, and with an insane rush of pleasure, he was coming down Eren's throat, choking down a moan.

"Fuck," Levi mumbled, to no one in particular as Eren swallowed all of it and pulled off.

Levi pulled him off the floor (Eren's legs were trembling, he noticed), and not knowing where the bedroom was, decided to pin Eren to the wall and palm him instead.

"Levi-"

Eren's dark, lidded eyes rolled back and he moaned, and by the way he was shaking, he had just come in his pants.

"Oh," Levi said again, and awkwardly stood there with his hands on Eren's shoulders. Was this the part where he left?

"Fuck, sorry, Levi, you're just so.. and I'm, I'm sorry," Eren rambled, stumbling over his words.

"You- _you're_ sorry?"

Levi was dumbfounded; that was the hottest thing he's ever seen. He didn't understand why Eren was apologizing.

"Look- I'm trying to say you're the hottest guy I've ever met, and I really like you. And I'm trying not to run you off, so."

Levi wanted to tell him that Eren had told him he loved him in fact, or that he could never run him off because he knew him in a past life, or that he thought this was just a one-night stand, but he didn't.

"It's fine," Levi said, still breathless. Sina, why was he so awkward? Where did that even come from? "I like you a lot too, brat."

Eren frowned. "You always call me that. I don't like it."

"Yeah, well." Levi didn't want to explain. "Deal with it."

"'Deal with it'?" Eren chuckled. "Okay. Sure. Do you.. wanna stay here?"

More than anything.

"What?"

"I didn't say anything," Levi told him slowly.

Eren had a strange look on his face. "Oh. I could've sworn you did. Anyways, you can go lay down.. I need to change."

As he laid in Eren's bed, relishing his smell that wafted off the sheets, Levi thought for a while.

From their first kiss at the club to now, they'd really rushed things. He didn't think he'd fucked it up just yet, but he might as well if Eren found out his secret.

He didn't regret any of what happened, though. It was perfect, in its own, fucked up way.

_"Dont fuck this up."_

_"No worries, it'll be perfect in its own, fucked up way."_

Levi blinked the flashback away and turned on his side. Fuck, when would those go away?

And what had happened earlier? Had Eren noticed what he'd been thinking? How was that possible? Maybe Hange's theory was right..

Fuck, Levi had to write this down.

Against his better judgment, while Eren was washing off and getting clean, Levi got his journal out of his pocket and the pen out of the spine.

He jotted down the remarkable events from the day:

- _Eren first kiss 10/5/15. Song: ???_  
 _-went to club. had fun._  
 _-mind reading?_  
 _-flashback: not clear._  
 _-sex: eren's hallway. one night stand?_

"Hey, whatcha writing?"

Levi startled minutely and shut the book.

"I journal," he said.

"Oh cool! Like life events and stuff?"

Levi nodded. "It's probably my favorite hobby," he shared.

Eren nodded and didn't press any further, thankfully.

"I was thinking," Eren started as Levi put away his journal in his jacket pocket, then folded it back neatly to place on the bed. "And I'm scared to tell you."

"I won't judge you," Levi reassured him. "We had sex in your hallway."

Eren giggled. "I know, but. I'm just saying, I'm scared of what you'll think."

Levi quirked his brow; what could it possibly be?

At any rate, Levi doubted anything could surprise him.

Eren took Levi's silence as an invitation.

"Um, Levi? So, I know we like, hold hands. And you kissed me tonight. And I guess I got excited, I didn't think you were gonna go through with what we did. And so I was wondering if you really like me like that, or if it was just.. I don't know." Eren covered his face. "I feel like I fucked things up."

Eren thought all of this was _his_ fault?

"It's not your fault," Levi rebutted. "I'm the one who kissed you."

"Do you regret it?"

Fuck, how had he and Eren get together before? He wished he could remember; maybe it would help somehow.

"I don't have regrets."

Eren moved a little closer; Levi noted how clean he smelled.

"Do you like me?"

Levi couldn't quite put into words how much he liked Eren, much less loved him. He might as well be completely and totally infatuated.

"More than you know."

"Oh."

Eren moved again, this time setting himself in Levi's lap.

"You do too," Levi observed; he felt so calm at that moment, yet his heart was beating out of his chest. Like this was meant to happen.

"I bet you get all the girls in the army," Eren chuckled, and linked his arms around Levi's neck.

"Never was interested in the women," Levi murmured, and rested his hands on Eren's waist. "Never had a relationship."

"Oh. Your heart's beating really fast," Eren chuckled. "Then again, mine is too."

It was that loud?

"Levi, do you wanna be together?"

"Yes," Levi spoke immediately, and the air hung heavy with tension.

Eren's face broke out into a grin, and he kissed him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank u for reading


	4. Private Fears in Public Places, or Just Another Face

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren finds out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> title by front porch step and modern baseball, respectively

Levi sat there with his head bowed and clammy hands, shaking minutely.

"Levi-"

Levi could feel someone shaking him and saying his name; the stimulation was overwhelming; just.. everything. His head felt like it was about to split open.

He was kissed then, and he felt himself be brought back down to reality from the shock; the smells of nature and the feeling of wind faded away.

"Levi."

Levi jolted minutely to reality, looking himself up and down and his surroundings. Eren's apartment, he recognized, and Eren, there sitting in front of him on the bed. He was still in his pajamas.

Fuck, it'd happened again.

Levi cursed to himself, but he couldn't bring himself to push Eren's hand off his arm.

"Levi.." Eren said slowly. "Are you okay? Are you sick?"

"I'm not crazy," Levi snapped. "It just happens sometimes. You know that."

Eren sat back, looking at him with a strange expression on his face. "It's happened more than a couple times since I've known you. And it doesn't seem like just dissociation, or any regular flashback."

Damn, he was smart.

Eren frowned.

"Do you think you can tell me what's really happening?"

Levi pushed his dark hair back, and noticed he'd been sweating- disgusting, he thought- and considered the question.

Eren and Levi's one year was coming up on Thursday. Clearly he couldn't keep this a secret forever; the lies were getting harder to keep up with.

He found that he was getting lies mixed up every now and then, and the occasional amnesia did nothing in wake of comforting Eren.

Eren either thought he was crazy, or he was hiding a major medical emergency. Probably something Eren thought he could help with.

Conventionally, he couldn't. There was no way to sate Levi's suffering with therapy nor medicine; he's tried.

That's what Levi told him then- he couldn't be helped.

"Talking about it will help," Eren affirmed. The fire in his eyes made Levi sick. It reminded him too much. It made him float away again. It-

"Fuck." Levi covered his face. When would this end?

Levi heard nothing Eren said next, only that the next thing he realized, Eren was sat in his lap, holding Levi's face.

"Talk to me?" Eren's kind eyes said. "Please."

"Fuck." Levi fumbled for his notebook before he could go back on this decision. He opened it to a random page, and flipped it around so Eren could see.

"Look. Can you read this?"

"No, I can't."

Eren held the diary upside down, right way up, and still nothing.

"What language is this in..?"

"Eldian. It's a.." Levi faltered. "It's my language. It's a language no one but me knows. I know it because I lived a past life, and it came naturally to me."

"A past life? Like hypothetically?"

"No. The notebook is proof of it, the fact that I can't do anything but be a soldier, the recurring dreams, the fact that I _know_ you. It's not a coincidence."

Eren sat there for some time, just silent. It was killing Levi, but he had nothing left to say. Just to wait for Eren's judgment on him.

"I think I kinda get it," Eren finally said. Levi waited for him to call him crazy. "It's kinda cool."

Levi's eyes flickered up to Eren's own.

"What?"

"I don't think you'd lie to me about something as serious as this," Eren explained. "And I just find it.. cool. That you lived a past life, and still remember it. Of course- it's not great for you and I know that- but that doesn't make you broken or anything. You're still healing."

"It'll take time. That's a fact," Eren mustered up. "But I'm not just another face, and I'm not just another name. I'm here for you."

Levi leaned forward and let Eren embrace him.

"To be honest, it's not all that surprising. Sometimes I get weird dreams, and I wasn't lying when I said I thought you looked familiar. I guess I just chocked it up to.. coincidence."

"It's not," Levi mumbled. "Never was."

"I know that now. Levi?"

Levi blinked.

"Do you remember when we went to that club? And we had sex? I think I told you something, and correct me if I'm wrong but. I told you I loved you?"

"Yeah," Levi affirmed. "You did."

"Well I mean it now. I love you."

"I love you too," Levi replied, almost instantly. His heart felt like it was beating out of his chest. "In my life before and now."

Eren smiled wistfully. "I kinda wish I knew about my life before."

Levi nodded. "Well, Hange had this theory. If we were connected on a spiritual level, maybe.." Levi trailed off. He couldn't recall how Hange had explained it.

"I'm willing to try that."

"Really?"

Eren nodded, evidently determined.

Levi led the way.

He'd only ever done this with Hange obviously, but it was a simple enough task that felt right and was easy to remember. It felt even better with Eren: taking his hands, pressing their foreheads together, and focusing on their breathing with their eyes closed.

They did this for some time before Eren started giggling. Their eyes met.

"Sorry," he said. "My head's buzzing."

Levi closed his eyes back and it felt like the bed and the ground had just given way underneath them, catapulting him into a different place.

_"What the hell is it that you wanna do?"_

_"I wanna become a member of the Scouts, and slaughter every titan that crosses my path," Eren growled._

_Levi's eyes gleamed. "Well played. Alright then, I'll take responsibility for him." He approached Eren's cell. "Let the higher-ups know what's going on. Not that I implicitly trust him of course. It's more of a matter of if I trust myself to deal with him. Kill him if I have to."_

Levi implicitly pulled away and covered his numb face with his hands. It was happening again.

_Levi sat down and spread his arm across the couch._

_"So, Eren."_

_"Sir?"_

_"You don't resent me now, do you?"_

_"No! I can see what you did was necessary, sir."_

_"Good. Then you understand."_

His head was spinning.

_Eren saluted. "Good morning Captiain! Reporting for duty!"_

_From atop his horse, Levi spoke._

_"Eren, you are to stay within ten meters of me at all times. The only reason you're out of your cell is that I'm keeping an eye on you. Understood?"_

_"Yes, sir."_

"Fuck," Levi dry-heaved.

_"This squad's mission is to keep this brat alive, whatever the cost. Don't forget it."_

These things raced before Levi's eyes, causing him to huddle in on himself.

_"Do as your conscience dictates," Levi commanded him. "But Eren, listen. You are not inherently evil. Your ability to change doesn't make you a monster."_

Levi tucked his head between his knees. The pain he felt was palpable.

_"I'm sorry, Captain.."_

_"So are you feeling okay, or what?"_

It wasn't like last time where Levi lost total understanding of his surroundings, but he couldn't deny the haziness, or the way the expounding of the memories throbbed in his mind and weighed heavily on his heart.

Eren meanwhile rubbed his face, and he was crying.

"Levi? Is that.. was that, what you have to go through.."

Levi blinked hard and tried to process the question. He rubbed his face. All he could register was that Eren was crying, and he didn't want that. He never did.

And then Eren was moving, dragging Levi into his arms and looked into Levi's eyes like he was searching for his soul.

"Levi, are you okay?"

"Fuck," Levi hiccuped, and everything rushed to the surface. "It's just.."

"I know.." Eren rubbed his back. "I know."

"It's so hard, and I just wanted you to- to understand-"

"I understand better now," Eren affirmed, pulling away to look at him. "It'll be okay."

Levi bit his tongue on the 'thank you' that was about to rise out of him, and closed his eyes, utterly exhausted.

He believed he fell asleep like that, briefly, as the next thing he remembered, Eren was jostling him in the process of putting the covers over him.

"We can sleep," Eren affirmed. "You're tired, Levi. Sleep."

Upon inviting Eren into his arms, Levi was asleep in minutes.

Upon waking, surprisingly not from a nightmare, Levi shuffled under the covers and noticed there was hand palming his dick.

"Fuck," he muttered, eyes fluttering open to the weight on top of him: Eren.

"I wanted to say thank you for last night. And to tell you again that I love you, so.. is this okay?"

"Yeah," Levi grunted, and shuffled down his underwear so Eren would have full access to him.

Eren grinned then, and leaned down to kiss him. Levi ran his hand through his hair.

Eren was always spontaneous, it was a great thing about him, Levi decided, as Eren's hand wandered down, and (already wet with spit) wrapped around him.

Levi sighed with pleasure, and opened his legs so Eren could straddle him comfortably.

"I don't want this to be just a handjob, you know," Eren brought up, after some time.

Levi thought that meant he was gonna suck him off before he got a better idea, and pushed Eren onto his back, kissing him and running his hand down his chest.

"I think I know what you mean," Levi finally rebutted, and slid off Eren's own underwear. "Do you have lube? And a condom?"

Eren smiled. He nodded, and reached over to the bedside, where he retrieved their supplies and set it next to them.

More kissing followed, which progressively got more heated and deep. They made out slowly and sensually, settling into a smooth rhythm that got both men harder.

Levi ground against Eren amidst their kissing, causing him to moan and reach between them, rubbing their cocks together.

With a soft moan, Levi reached for the lube and applied a conservative amount to his fingers. He reached behind himself when Eren tutted, taking Levi's arm.

"I wanna do it."

For some reason those words got Levi going even more, so he relented to allow Eren to put him on his back, with a soft pillow underneath to ease the intrusion.

Eren applied a generous amount of lube to his fingers and caressed Levi's thigh with his other hand.

Wordlessly, Levi spread his legs and welcomed the first finger, relaxing his muscles. Eren peppered kisses across Levi's thighs as he fingered him.

The second finger couldn't come soon enough, and when it did, Levi sighed. It ached slightly.

Eren, sensing this, wrapped a soft hand around the base of his cock and pumped slowly. Levi made a pleased noise, then involuntarily moaned. His head fell back; Eren had found his prostate.

"Yeah." Eren massaged that spot, drawing another moan from Levi; his thighs trembled slightly. "Fuck, I love your noises."

Levi swallowed the noises he was making for his own sake. He'd never done this and was unfamiliar with the noises falling from his own mouth.

As a result, the third finger was painless and only added to the pleasure Levi was feeling; Eren had pulled away from touching his dick at this point, because any more stimulation and Levi would definitely come undone.

"Jaeger." Levi was unfamiliar with the gruff sound of his own voice. "Fuck me."

Eren's face broke out into a small blush, and pulled out his fingers, then positioned Levi's toned thighs around his hips.

Eren grabbed the condom quickly and ripped it open. He applied it with a shaky sigh.

"Tell me if it hurts," he said and positioned himself.

Eren pushed into him softly, moaning with the tight, warm intrusion.

Breathing quickly, Levi tensed and relaxed his muscles, trying to relax. Eren evidently sensed this, and wrapped a soft hand around his cock, inviting a soft hiss.

"You okay?"

Levi answered with a groan that followed Eren finally bottoming out inside him. He felt full, and all of this felt right.

Eren cupped Levi's cheek with his other hand, reassuring him.

"You feel so good," Eren muttered, voice deep with sex. "You're perfect."

Levi's thighs closed around Eren's midsection like a vice, and the first movement was electric.

Levi grunted, gripping the sheets.

"Good boy," Eren murmured, closed his teeth upon Levi's shoulder, and Levi's stomach tightened pleasurably. His cock twitched.

"Eren.."

Eren continued to move inside Levi, picking up a steady, pleasing pace as he gripped Levi's hip. His other hand steeled itself beside Levi's head.

The feeling was enchanting, and became even more so when Eren struck a spot inside him that incited a gasp from the older man.

"So good," Eren mumbled. "Baby.."

Levi curled his toes, thighs stuttering to keep a hold around Eren's midsection.

"Fuck, Eren.." Levi panted. He moaned and trembled. "Nh.."

"I love you," Eren reminded him, wrapping his hand around Levi's cock, pumping him. "Love you so much."

Levi full-on panted, all of these words and feelings and sensations pulling at his heartstrings, and tugging at his cock.

"I love you," he returned, after some time. "Oh.."

Eren had increased his pace, drawing moans from Levi with every angled thrust against his prostate. He inhaled the smell of the shampoo Eren had used as he marked his neck.

He sweat, his thighs trembled. The feeling unfurling in his cock told him he was close.

"Eren," Levi moaned, warning him.

The moan of his name egged Eren on, if his accelerating thrusts and the way his nails dug into Levi's hip were anything to go by.

"Come, Levi. My baby, good boy, baby-"

The words _'good boy'_ rang in Levi's mind as he felt himself physically tighten like a vice around Eren. His cock twitched, and he cried his name aloud as he spilled between them quickly.

His orgasm blossomed and rang out- all he felt was pleasure.

Eren pumped him through his orgasm, and panted as he regained speed, pounding Levi's prostate with every thrust of his hips.

Levi moaned with every ministration, and Eren groaned.

"Levi, Levi," he chanted. "Gonna-"

With a long moan, Eren came rapidly inside him, his own orgasm unfurling and pushing him to completion.

Levi admired the changing expressions on Eren's face as he came, grunting with every push into his sensitive hole.

Eren slowed, and then stopped, all but collapsing on top of Levi following a lazy, passionate kiss.

Levi sighed contently, following a slight cringe after Eren slowly pulled out and tied the condom, placing it in the waste-bin next to the bed.

Things between them remained comfortably wordless as they cuddled together. Levi could sleep again, but he was sweaty and also splattered with his own cum.

"Shower," he murmured. Eren hummed.

Since they were already undressed the deed was easy, and they stood together in the shower, lightly embraced.

Levi sighed under the rushing water, content. It was very rarely that he would call himself completely happy, but this was one of those times.

He wouldn't wanna be anywhere but here with Eren, which said a lot knowing he was ghosting his way through life before he met him.

As Eren shampooed his hair, he thought on that.

Life worked out in funny ways sometimes.

In any case, Levi was happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank u for reading

**Author's Note:**

> thank u for reading


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